Business Jokes articles: tips, advice, ideas, strategies & solutions

Subscribe to our Business Jokes Articles Feeds


Feeds

What's this?

Home > Business Jokes

Business Planning Buzzword Bingo

thumb it up Kevin Dwyer
It's not long past the season of completing business planning and it would be remiss of me not to provide a few helpful definitions of business planning nomenclature.

Bottom up planning: planning completed from the absolute building blocks of the business so that the targets are in complete synchronisation with the resource requirements in terms of capital and operating expenditure, human resources by competency level, systems and processes taking into account any mandatory legal, corporate, government and community requirements. A plan built up from the bottom, brick by brick so that all elements of cause and effect are known.

Top down planning: that which occurs when bottom up planning gives the wrong result.

Key Result Areas: the areas of the business where the result is key to the business performing well; in most plans written as a list of tasks.

Objectives: the objectives of the key result areas of the business; in most plans written as a list of tasks.

Activities: the activities required to reach the objectives of the key result areas; in most plans written as a list of tasks.

Key Performance Indicators: those variables in the business which indicate whether the objectives of the Key Result Areas are likely to be met; in most plans written as a list of tasks or target dates.

Targets: the target range of a variable which indicates whether the objectives in a Key Result Area are likely to be reached; in most plans written as a list of tasks.

Tasks: the specific list of tasks which need to be completed for each activity to reach the objectives of each Key Result Area; rarely ever included in a business plan.

Decentralisation: a management strategy that involves the diffusion of power throughout different levels of a company.

Empowerment: a strategy intended to increase employees' motivation by increasing their involvement in their work.

Job satisfaction: the combined attitudes and beliefs (positive or negative) that are held about a job, usually on a real downer when the decentralisation project does not devolve power but just tasks.

Planning: the formation of goals and the development of strategies and tactics to achieve these goals.

Strategic planning: planning.

Corporate planning: planning

Tactical planning: planning

Business planning: planning

Deck: a requirement of each corporate planning presentation; the PowerPoint deck of slides.

Fact-based management: consultant speak for evaluating and measuring a given business process, and using those "facts" to streamline it.

Anecdotal evidence: information gathered through conversations with a handful of customers, suppliers or salespeople used by stubborn executives to counter fact-based management.

Customer Relationship Management: Treating customers as individuals and customizing what you do to make them happy. Large companies do this with multimillion-dollar computer systems. Small companies generally do it with a coffee, handshake and a smile.

CRM: see Customer Relationship Management

CRM: Consultants Raking in Millions

Downsizing: An invented word which is usually paired with re-engineering. It means to have a smaller number of people being employed.

Rightsizing: An invented word meant to allay the fears of employees by suggesting that there may be an increase in the number of people employed. Nine times out of ten, read downsizing.

Capsizing: downsizing gone awry. It's the process of a company repeatedly reducing head count, but not the work, until it goes under.

Ducks: as in having one's ducks in a row sometimes as a result of careful bottom up planning.

Duck shuffler: a duck shuffler, usually someone in senior management, comes around and rearranges them for you just when you do get all your ducks in a row; usually as a result of top down planning.

Employees: people

Associates: people

Colleagues: people

Consultants: people

Human resources: people

Human capital: people

Living assets: people

Head count: number of people

Contractors: less important people

Dotted line: organizational speak for people in a division who do not have direct reporting responsibility to a manager in another division, but have shared responsibility. They always defer to their own division before contacting the manager whom they "dot" into, thus the dotted line is a guaranteed means of confusing people and abdicating accountability.

Bubble up: The act of letting an idea or issue rise up the organization chart to a superior; much like bottom up planning.

Core competencies: What we do well. “In this plan, we are concentrating on our core competencies”. Translation: “We have been overstretched and our last plan did not work”.

Key learnings: that which went wrong with the last plan.

Learning opportunity: mistakes made that will somehow be turned into future breakthroughs; a nice way of saying we're trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Matrixed environment: an organizational structure where people report to a divisional manager, but have most of their work assigned and managed by a project manager from a different area; working for two bosses.

About the Author:
Kevin Dwyer is a Director of Change Factory. Change Factory helps organisations who do do not like their business outcomes to get better outcomes by changing people's behaviour. Businesses we help have greater clarity of purpose and ability to achieve their desired business outcomes. To learn more or see more articles visit http://www.changefactory.com.au or email kevin.dwyer@changefactory.com.au ©2006 Change Factory
 

 

No. of Times this article has been viewed : 2581
Date Published : Oct 1 2006

Most Recently Published Business Jokes Articles as of

May 1 2008    Quotes Taken from Actual Performance Evaluations

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: Witty and quotable evaluation results by supervisors.

Jul 9 2007    Since When Did I Become a Grumpy Old Man?

by Kevin Dwyer

Something insidious seems to have happened as I have got older. Now, it may well be that I am just becoming one of the grumpy old men from The Muppet Show. I offer the following for you to judge.

Oct 22 2006    Humor: The New, Right Advertisements

by Patrizia Broghammer

Joking about advertisements...

Oct 1 2006    Business Planning Buzzword Bingo

by Kevin Dwyer

A few "helpful" definitions of business planning nomenclature.

Sep 10 2006    Taking a Peek at Upper Management's Thoughts

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: No matter how serious they try to look and sound, some bosses are simply born jokers…without them actually meaning to.

Sep 5 2006    You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When---

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: How to know when it's time to quit without waiting to be kicked out.

Sep 2 2006    How To Get More Salespeople To Cold Call You

by Tino Buntic

Humor: Ever wonder why some executives get more cold calls than you? Here's how to increase your share of cold calls.

Aug 30 2006    The Parable of the Rabbit and the Crow

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: In the corporate world, don’t be caught sitting and doing nothing unless you are sitting very, very high up.

Aug 29 2006    Casual Fridays

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: Funny lessons on how not to implement new company policy.

Aug 29 2006    Avoiding Unnecessary Exposures in the Corporate World

by Maelynn Tabije

A funny way of driving home the lesson that if you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Aug 29 2006    MBAs as Jokers

by Maelynn Tabije

Humor: How to bring down to earth fresh MBA graduates who are floating on cloud nine.

Search for ebooks on Management & Business